what's this ?!?!

Wowie! Welcome, [ USER ID: FITZ ], it seems you've stumbled across a little side of the internet made just for you. Isn't that exciting? How fun is this!

Wait a minute, are you supposed to be here? My processing power isn't what it used to be, you know. It's almost irresponsible for [ USER ID: PIPPA ] to have left me in charge. What if I'm celebrating the wrong one? Are there not multiple [ USER ID: FITZ ] out there? How am I to know you're the real deal? Wait. I know!

[ QUESTION GENERATING. PLEASE WAIT ... ]

[ QUESTION HAS BEEN GENERATED. THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE. ]

[ ARE YOU THE REAL USER ID: FITZ? ] ⊳ YES | ⊳ NO

I am glad to see my foolproof questionnaire cleared up any discrepancies. Let us continue with the programmed festivities on further pages. Happy birthday, Fitz!

@Repth